Real World

It's been a year and a half since I wrote in this blog, and shocking enough - things have changed.

First off all, my best friends and I somehow survived our senior year at college. It was a close one though. Between drinking every night..and day, we may have skipped a class or two, which ultimately led to some failed classes.. But FUCK IT , nothing like a 5th year, right? Wrong. We all ended up taking summer classes, because Mommy and Daddy were not pleased to be sending their precious daughters back to the black hole for another year of blacking out. Even though it took some of us, 2 extra summer classes..and maybe a fall class at the local community college, we did it. We got our degree, and it wasn't our MRS. like we had all planned on getting - far from it actually. 

The summer after graduation was a fun one. We were slowly but surely all finding out where our lives might take us. Whether it was in the DC metro area, or down in the state's capital, we all ended up where we belonged..at least for right now. 

We all have had some ups and downs. Mainly involving boys. SHOCKER. 

I like to consider my latest boy drama less of a heart break, and more of a heart attack. It seems weird to me that I intially met this boy 2 years ago. Something was different when we first met, as lame as it sounds, he took my breathe away, and not only because of his looks, it was something else, something that I don't think I will ever be able to fully explain -which makes me think will this ever be something more? Are we meant to be together one day?

Fast forward to today. We have been hanging out for months, since July to be exact. It started so fast - one day we were playing kickball on the Nation's Capitol, and that night we were in his bed..naked. He was hesitant at first, probably because of the five year age difference, or the fact that we met through my older brother - either way it didn't take long to realize he was going to be different than the rest. We started texting non-stop, from the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out. I would try to stay up as late as I could so I could just talk to him more, and he did the same. It was a never ending game that was played for a month. Flirty texts back and forth, "I can't wait to see you's" followed by the oh-so-cute smiley that makes every girls heart flutter. All was good. We were hanging out sober, drunk, during the day, at night..being with each other every chance we got. Then something changed. And to this day I am still trying to figure out what that was. I still fully believe it was the fact that his roommate was getting jealous that I was stealing his "best wingman". It's less of a theory actually, mainly because his roommate pulled me aside one night to tell me that actual line. 

He started to become more distant, didn't answer my texts as fast, seemed less eager to hang out, so as much as I hated doing it-I asked what was wrong.  This is where he differs from all the rest, instead of shrugging it off, and not given me an explanation. He answered truthfully. Told me that he liked hanging out with me, but liked his freedom just as much. He apologized for always being busy with work, and hated letting me down when he couldn't make our dates. It was weird, for as much as I was upset, I was happy too. He was being honest with me. That had never happened before. He wanted to still be friends, and because he was honest, I wanted to be too. I never realized how hard that would be though.

We decided we would go out to dinner together once every two weeks-and then watch movies all night. As much as I knew this would be a bad idea, because I would never get over him-I couldn't say no. I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what he was doing. (Obviously I knew a majority of these things through facebook stalking, but still). And then for a while we stopped. The holidays came and went, and it was just too hard to find time for each other-I mean why should we, we aren't dating. But then something happened, one of our friends wanted to start a bar league, and wanted both of us on the team. This was scary, knowing I would see him every week. It made me nervous. The first time after not seeing him for a month or so, I had actually made myself sick on the drive over to the bar. I was shaking, and frantically texting all my friends begging for advice or for someone to come meet me. But this is the real world, people have jobs and can't just come meet their best friend at 10pm on a Thursday night. It ended up being a good thing. As soon as he walked in, I felt the spark I felt when we first met two years ago. It made me instantly smile, and made so many possibilities run through my head. What was going to happen next? We ended up flirting the entire night, and because I was being somewhat responsible I drove him home from the bar to his house. I wanted to kiss him, or park my car - anything to be with him longer, and even though he lingered in my car - he eventually got out, and I went with out a kiss that night. Not even five minutes Thank You text, which immediately initiated the flirty texts. He told me he wish I crashed at his place, and as much as I wanted too, a part of me was glad that I didn't just because of the feeling I got when I received his text. 

A week passed as we flirted via G-chat (so #postgrad). And we met once again at bar games. This week our flirting was a little toned down, until the team left. We decided we weren't finished drinking (well he did, I was DEFINITELY done for the night). We went to 2 more bars with his roommate and his fling for the night. I wasn't as strong as I was the week before, I gave in and we started right back up where we were months before. But it was almost as we had rewinded to the first few times we hooked up. The things he said, the things he did -we talked for hours, up until our alarms went off for work, which with no doubt we called in saying we both would be late to work. And that morning we just laid in each others arms, and I couldn't help to think how nice it would be if this was a regular event, but that's obviously not something I can just bring up. I know he likes me- that was never the question, but it's how. How much does he like me? How much is he willing to give up? How many girls has he said the same things too? How long can I take of this? 

This would be the point in the movie, where he realizes he can't live with out the girl, and wants nothing more to make her happy and all her wishes come true. But this is the Real World- and it plain down SUCKS. But I guess, that is Life As I Know It. 

Planet of the Apes

With the newest version of the movie releasing this past weekend - it reminded me of all the boys I have "fell in love with" recently, and how boys ARE actually evolving but not necessarily for the good. 


After three years of college under my belt, I have finally been able to weed out the unnecessary "Bros" who send that not-so-casual 1:38am text on a Wednesday night asking "What are you doing?" (...umm what do you think I'm doing...I'm sleeping...and NO-I do NOT want to come over, nice try though). I decided to go a different route. I fell for the guy who wasn't in a fraternity nor did he play a sport, and to be honest it was kind of a first for me. He wasn't my typical guy, and I liked that. 


He was a nice enough guy, funny, ambitious, and was friends with all my friends -so it was perfect (or so I thought). The only thing was he had just gotten out of a 2-year-long relationship, and we started "hanging out" less then a week after the break-up. This should have been a red-flag, but I was falling way to hard to notice. Everything was fine and dandy until we had "the talk". We initially had decided we weren't going to get "too serious", but that went down the drain after sleeping together every night for 4 months straight. So we had the talk again - it was obvious to everyone but me that I was taking this more serious than he was. 


He never went behind my back and cheated on me, but he did something equally as wrong -which made him differ from the typical "Bro". He led me on to believe we were something more than what we were, he let me fall harder, and became the type of guy that wanted to have his cake and eat it too, because- he LOVED the attention (and he still does). He wanted to be single, but didn't want to let me go, but GOD FORBID he made an actual real commitment to me (and by commitment - all I was asking for was to occasionally toss around the word "girlfriend"). Which I didn't think would be too hard, since we were exclusively with each other, but I was wrong. All of this was just "too much for him", and he eventually came up with lame excuses to end things, (such as that he wanted to be single his last semester of college, and I almost would have believed him, if it wasn't for the fact he started talking to a girl less than two weeks after we ended things---but that's a WHOLE other story). 


These kinds of guys love the attention, and the drama. They always put themselves first, but sometimes in a non-obvious way. They move on from girl-to-girl discreetly. They're the guy who is with a girl for months or even years, and when they feel like the relationship is winding down, they'll start flirting with a new girl-who will ultimately become the new girl in their life when the current relationship ends, and then the process is repeated. They mimic the movements of locust.  And yet for some reason they are the hardest to weed out. They seem like the good guy, but its because they have been out of the market for X-amount-of-months, that you don't even realize they DO jump from girl-to-girl, its just not on a weekly basis. They are the ones to watch out for, cause they'll hurt you more than any "bro" ever will.


Whats upsetting is that its becoming a re-occurrence between my friends and I. Its scary to think that more and more guys are evolving this way. They are figuring out that we'll say no to that 1:38am text, and are coming up with ways to get us to do what they want by winning over our feelings. 


Now I do believe that not all guys do this on purpose, BUT it sure as hell seems like it happens way too often to not be done on purpose by some. It makes me wonder how many of the "good guys" are actual GOOD guys - and where can I find one???


But thats just Life As I Know It.

Here Goes Nothing

After thinking about this long and hard, I decided that it was time that I shared my opinion with the world. I don't care if people agree or disagree with me - because frankly this is about me, as selfish is that sounds, but that is the point of a blog, right? 


Some background information:
-I'm a twenty year old girl currently enrolled in a college known for its "partying" (even though I'm sure most colleges are known for that) down in Southern Virginia. 
-I am newly single and in a sorority (which right there should tell you that I was crazy enough to go through with rush and the pledging process)
-I was born and raised in a suburb right outside Washington, DC with two brothers and a not so functional family


I want to use this blog as a space to talk about the craziness a normal twenty-year old encounters every day. Whether its because her three roommates are driving her crazy, she runs into her ex-boyfriend, or the fact that yet again she is reminded she needs to be looking for a job. This is the way I live - life as i know it.